Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
