Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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