I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Randomize
