hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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