So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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