So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
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