i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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