he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
