new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize