you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
