Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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