Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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