i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
