i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
