Your face is a jimmy john
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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