Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
