...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
This is the high leading the old right now
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
