i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize