i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
