I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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