i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Life is so much better after having sex.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
they're like a gay fantastic four
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
