i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
