my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
