Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
