its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
nutella sex= disaster
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
