what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
