Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
