Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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