Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
