i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
please come you make the beer taste better
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
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