My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
It's shark week go big or go home
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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