She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
