nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Randomize