I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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