The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
whose parrot is this?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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