Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
