Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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