i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Randomize
