so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
