dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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