Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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