Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
