ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
