I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize