I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
