So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
