you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I need to calm my uterus...
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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