I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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