I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Randomize
