Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
