So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
