Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Be still, my beating vagina.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
