ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
