I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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