All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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