help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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