I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
