Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize