Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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