xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
