I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
