man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
