do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
