i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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