i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Never joke about your clitoris.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
